


Things that were lost

by TheSetOfTwo



Category: Twosetviolin
Genre: Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Regret, Up for interpretation, Vague, this is a sad one im afraid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:48:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29639736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSetOfTwo/pseuds/TheSetOfTwo
Summary: “When he went away, it felt like my only breath of fresh air was ripped directly from my chest”
Relationships: Eddy Chen/Brett Yang
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Things that were lost

**Author's Note:**

> So... This is my first work on here. And I'm afraid it's a pretty sad one. However, it's vague and up for interpretation so let me know how you feel.

People would later comment on the video, that they had never seen him this broken before. That the emptiness in his eyes and the solitude that radiated from every word he spoke sent chills down their spines. His eyes were pinned to something behind the camera, and a dark matte veil was pulled over them. A silent plea was hanging in the air as he wished for that door to burst, and that loud familiar voice to fill the room. Fill the void in which silence reigned supreme. But nothing came, and nothing ever would. Nothing could ever fill this void. When he spoke his face contorted, as if the very act of speaking words caused him excruciating pain. But he knew that he had to. And so he did.

_“I want you to know that I let him down.”_

The sound of his own voice startled him. It was softer than he remembered. Strained. He had not heard it in weeks since he had refused to answer phone calls or speak to anyone in general. He could not cope with the sound of their breaking voices, their sad eyes and their quivering hands reaching out to comfort him. So he decided not to cope at all, and locked himself away from the world behind the door of his best friends house. Spending this much time alone in this familiar space had given him plenty of time to think. But thinking in solitude had taken its toll on him, and he knew that he needed to get rid of the spiralling thoughts before they started suffocating him. He had tried writing them down, but writing was not his thing. The words looked empty on paper, as if they did not mean enough black on white. So he did the only thing he knew how to; he took a seat in front of the obscured window and the grey squares on the wall, and he turned on the camera.

_“I want you to know that I loved him. I loved him so much. But I never told him…”_

The next pause was occupied by a shallow breath as his eyes dropped to his hands out of frame. He had never admitted it out loud before, and he knew that it should have helped him feel better. But now the confession just seemed pointless.

_“I. Never. Told. Him.”_

He repeated the words slowly, and felt the bitter taste of regret spread across his tongue. The raw feeling of pure guilt had become the norm for him. He knew that if anyone could have done something, it should have been him. Even if he did not know how, he knew that all of this was somehow his fault. That he could have done something. Said something. Anything. But he did not. And now he had to pay for his mistake. He found himself constantly searching for an answer even though it made him angry and frustrated beyond his control. His hands were shaking in his lap, and he shook his head lightly to stay focused. He needed to keep going.

_“I loved him, and I should never have let him doubt it. I should have made it so clear for him. I should have told him how important he is. I should have told him how much I need him. I should have told him, how every breath he took, made it so much easier for me to live. I should have told him…”_

The words caught in his throat, and he raised his hand to lightly wrap the fingers around his neck as he took a deeper breath. The gentle beating of his pulse under his fingertips sent in a new wave of guilt, and his eyes wandered to the empty chair beside him. It looked surreal in all of its vacancy and he despised it. He knew that he was rambling. He knew that he did not make any sense. But nothing really seemed to make sense anymore, did it? So what did it matter?

_“Eddy was my best friend, and I should have told him that every single day. When he went away, it felt like my only breath of fresh air was ripped directly from my chest. I can't breathe without him. He deserved to know. ”_

A cold chill rolled in over him by the mention of his name, and he let the feeling take over his entire body, as it finally gave in to the pressure he had been fighting every single one of his waking seconds. He removed his glasses as he let his head sink, and covered his eyes with his free hand. Violent shivers filled his entire body, and a burning agonising sensation found a home in his chest as the tears started pouring. Keep going.

_“The worst part is,”_

He fought the sobs, in an attempt to get his final thoughts through and ran a hand through his hair desperately trying to gain just a little bit of control. He needed to say it out loud. As much as it hurt him, he needed them to know.

_“At the end, I don’t even think he knew. “_

The next couple of moments were spent in silence, and even after the sobs subsided and the shaking stopped the words still echoed through his head. However, despite each word leaving his mouth and settling in the air around him it still felt… empty. Every sentence felt inadequate and every syllable felt redundant. Words could never be enough. He had had the chance to show him every single day of their life together, but he missed it. And the realization, that speaking these words was all he could do now, left his entire being in endless despair. When he finally stood up to turn off the camera, he whispered a final thought under his breath. It was so quiet, that he thought no one would ever hear it. A final plea for forgiveness.

_“I have to live with that.”_


End file.
